finally hungry…

It’s 3AM and your eyes slowly flutter open as the light from the streets begin to flood through your windows. Eyes wide open. Heart starts thumping. CREAK. CREAK. CREAK. You hear a creature crawling underneath you, scratching. She pops out from under your bed and looks at you with her big/wide eyes. She’s wrinkly, old, and her teeth bare out at you like fangs on a hungry wolf. She reaches her hands out to you with her black, long fingernails and you receive her hands in yours. They’re coarse, cold, dewy. 

You blink and she flies you above the clouds, into the celestial skies, into the heavens. You get a glimpse of god and the essence of what that might mean to you and then, she takes a hard dip, through the atmosphere, into the earth, down beneath the hot volcanic melt. It’s dark, yet there’s a slight glow of red. There are hundreds of naked bodies. They’re walking around but you can’t take your curious gaze away from their eyes. They’re looking ahead but not at all. They’re walking but in no direction. Mouths wide open and bellies out. In the center of this apathetic world sits a shiny dome. It’s beautiful, decked with jewels. A door appears as if it’s made just for you. Little lady leads you to it and inside, your eyes lead to a gentleman sitting at the table. He has thick eyebrows, deep set eyes, dark hair and as he places his arm on the table to tap the ashes of his cigarette off, his shirt swells with the contraction of his arms. He gazed at you, eyes like lasers and pulls you into his lap. You close your eyes. It’s been 2 years since you’ve moved into this volcanic gem hut and you’ve gained 20 lbs. you look in the mirror and suck in your belly so that your ego can grasp into the little threads remaining of your old self. You and that gentleman (or is he a beast) have been dating — although you can hardly call it that. You both roll in the bed – you, out of breath. Then, you both move two feet to the fridge, grabbing a tub of talenti gelato, coconut flavored. Then, you both sink into the couch, watching that new Netflix show everyone is raging about. You feel sick but you are apathetic to it. You feel intoxicated but you feel intoxicated to it. You live to just eat, not think — thinking hurts too much. 

It’s 3pm, your boo thang is out, probably cheating you on you with some other whore. Your eyes flutter close as you fall back asleep to forget. You hear a scream at the top of your lungs, waking you up. She’s back. She reaches out her hands to you. You walk to the mirror and realize that she is you. She gets you to leave, go outside, walk- goodness it’s been years. You stumble your way out of the den. You fall and end up scraping your legs. There are bugs. They start to swarm your ankles, eating the warm flesh of your skin. It’s smelly – from the piles of trash you’ve left unattended. It’s ugly. It’s sticky. You want to go back, crawl back into the den. It was a warm and soft in there. But somehow, you keep walking forward, out. It’s so sticky. It’s miles and miles of this terrain, environment – you can’t see very well and all of a sudden, your toes feel the fresh, sharp feeling of grass. 

You look back and it’s finally illuminated. You see hundred of gemstone dens, just like the one you lived in. On this gigantic network, web, in the corner, lies a spider, suckling the unconscious blood of the fools who have brought themselves to lust, gluttony, sloth. You’re bleeding, you’re in pain, you’re uncomfortable and everything hurts. You cry as you collapse into the ground. Finally, you say to yourself. I FEEL SOMETHING. The pain feels good to you because at least you’re living. Your belly rumbles for the first time in months.